Human Butterflies

The "Butterfly Effect" is the propensity of a system to be sensitive to initial conditions and become unpredictable over time. This idea gave rise to the notion of a butterfly flapping its wings in one area of the world, and causing a tornado to occur in another remote area of the world. Why do we think this phenomenon is about the weather?

It’s not that if I flap my wings I can cause a tornado. But my flapping mouth can cause a buzz in your ears. Yesterday a couple of kids drove their bikes in front of my car and gave me the finger. I started to curse them and ranted abour spontaneous abortions for selected teens. And my wife reminded me about the Butterfly Effect. My words, even within the confines of my own car, have an effect. They change the energy fields that I live in, that my wife lives in, that the kids live in.

I have to learn that my spirit is everywhere. We have to learn that our spirits are everywhere. We make a difference. Always.

All You Have to Do

I have been moved by Cindy Sheehan, both politically and personally. Politically, because I believe Tip O’Neill was right – all politics is local. And Ms Sheehan has made this war local to every person.

Personally because I have to confront my own response to (what seems like) W’s illogic. A lot of my power in life comes from reconciling the differences between my attitudes and other people’s, particularly because I’m a coach and always need to be with others so that I can at least see things their way. And because I always think that I know and I’m right. I look at W.’s behavior here and I simply don’t understand. All he has to do is walk down his driveway and speak to this grieving mother, one of thousands. It wouldn’t be a photo op. It needn’t have significance and she doesn’t have to believe or even understand. But it would mollify the country (of course, it’s been so long now that it may only be a lose situation for him.)

I think of this often…”All you have to do is…” And I then have to back off and – if not understand – at least comprehend – that it’s not being done.

The Lone Rangers

The Lone Ranger

I was talking to a friend of mine this morning and I started the conversation with a perfectly normal question that we all sometimes begin conversations with. I asked him, “How’s business?” He started saying something like, “It’s fine.” (or, “I can’t complain.”) or some other standard deflecting remark that’s all about looking good and not complaining.) Then he caught himself. He acknowledged our friendship and then he said, “You know – I don’t have to do that with you. Here’s what’s really happening.” And he told me.

Why do we do that? We probably think that we do that out of a peculiar courtesy. We assume the person doesn’t really want to know, so we short circuit any answer to avoid boring him or her. But it becomes habitual – We hide ourselves and then we keep hidden.

I get the same answers when I ask people to explore being coached. “I’m fine; I have no complaints.” Of course, there’s something else there. First. It avoids the discomfort of saying, ‘no thanks.’ But underneath that is the basic assumption that coaching is only for people with problems. To be coached is to admit to a need for help.

Not so. Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto; someone to run along side him and provide support (though that really stretches the analogy – I ain’t no sidekick). Coaching is all about creating your future, not fixing your past or hiding your present.

I Don’t Have Anything to Say

I have a client who today confessed that he had writer’s bloc when it came to his BLOG. My coaching was that he sit down and write, “I don’t have anything to say,” and to go on from there. You see, one of the things I’ve noticed is that writing doesn’t take place in our heads (editing does). If anything, getting stuck in our heads is what stops writing. Writing takes place in the fingers…at least in my fingers.

It’s amazing what I seem to store up in there. Today they want to talk about deep, deep love.

My best friend came for dinner with his wife the other night. I introduced them when she was 14 and we were college freshmen together – over 50 years ago. And she has Alzheimers.

A spark of life shines in her eyes once in a (long) while. She knows us – by inference. Over the years (she started showing symptoms perhaps 18 years ago) her condition has continually worsened and, of course, will continue to worsen. Recently she fell and since then she can barely walk; she shuffles. A list of her symptoms can only sadden and upset you. But I want to talk about my friend.

He has transformed himself from the most dependent chauvinistic husband into a fully responsible man. He does everything to care for his business and his home and his wife. When I say everything, I mean everything. There is no longer any reciprocation – it’s a foolish concept. It’s not the 50-50 we pretend to want. He demonstrates 100-0.

Love requires nothing. It feeds him and it nurtures him.