Somehow

Somehow

I’ll bet this has happened to you, too. You’re going along, happy go lucky and suddenly things fall apart. Not only that, but people are blaming you. You have a bewildered look – What did I do? I didn’t do anything. Why is he/she/everyone looking at me?

Here’s a variation – unfortunately just as common. You’re the boss and you make a decision, but the person or people carrying out that decision fail in its implementation (notice how delicately I put that.) Sadly, the blame falls on you. The decision was correct – you know that – but because of him/her/them it failed and you’re on the hook. Innocent and convicted.

I’m going to give you a phrase that can turn that world around. It has taken me forever to learn it – and it works wonders. It’s not necessarily a public phrase, but one for you to think to yourself and it will lead to whatever you then say or do. Here it is: “Somehow I must be responsible.”

Notice I said, responsible, not to blame. The domain of blame creates a ruinous context, as if you’re morally wrong. Responsibility deals more with cause than guilt. Certainly, when you’re the boss, you are responsible – easy to see, though not easy to take. Look what happens when you take responsibility.

You assert leadership – you are the one. You create a future where change, correction and new results are possible. You relieve the weight from others who, for whatever reasons, can’t or won’t shoulder what seems to them to be a burden. And you will be surprised at how often and how quickly you become supported.

Not only that, but you will discover that you have created new eyes. You can see that – gosh, you really could be responsible – no – you really are responsible. Your view of ‘the facts’ is altered through other’s eyes… ‘Is that what happened?’

Try it the next time you fight with your significant other. The fight will end and love will be restored, even stronger. Can you imagine if you ever said that to your boss?

Where There's a Will

Where There’s a Will

Last week I attended a symposium presented by the Pachamama Alliance. This has had a profound effect on my life. I was struck by one line, spoken on one of the many fantastic videos they showed. I was struck by many others, but the one I want to share with you, because it also is something that I can relate to coaching, too, is this: What’s Away?

What’s away? What is it to Send away? To Keep away? To Stay away? To Go away? And to Throw away. In the context of the symposium, the focus was on throw away. I can’t escape it because there is no away. But I acted like away meant – out of sight, out of mind – it disappears; away meant – not my responsibility. But when I take something to throw away, it doesn’t disappear. It just hides from view. It becomes garbage. And it can stay around forever.

I’ve switched to cloth napkins. I hate air dryers in public washrooms – and I now use them. I can’t buy coffee in containers anymore. I’ve changed how I shop. I intend to keep my planet around – I won’t throw it away.

And as I thought about the other aways, I can see that we play the same games with our psyches – with our pasts. We want our personal space to be clean, by going away, by keeping away, by sending away. But there is no away. Our yesterdays hang out in our future. They keep popping up. This woman is like that woman is like that woman is like my mother, my sister, my aunt. This boss is like that boss, is like that teacher, is like my brother, my uncle, my father.

But where there’s a will, there’s a way. That’s coaching.
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In many ways this is the start of the overeating season, which is why I think that January is the cold and flu season.

But I am thankful for the life I have – for my family – for my health - for my clients - for all of you. And I wish the same for all of you and yours – that you take a few moments to appreciate your life.