1st class riffs and musings

Start Right Now

2007-03-12T07:44:00.000-07:00

I've spent this past week in Guerilla Business School – there’s a lot to write about – but I’m writing this before I go.

I think you’ve noticed how much faster life is – Well, that’s simple math. If you draw an exponential growth curve, you’ll see that it takes a long time to rise – it seems gentle. But when it rises, it is extremely steep – And it’s rising. In fact, we are in an exponential rise in our civilization – knowledge, crises, inventions, books, gadgets, toys, population, … almost anything we can measure – it’s not hard to keep up – it’s impossible. So prepare to be surprised – always… It will change. The impossible happens every day.

What can we do in the face of massive, continuous change? That’s this title. Don’t wait. As I’ve written before – adopt a policy based on confidence and support – you have or can develop confidence and you can certainly amass support. So-- – Ready, Fire, Aim. With confidence and support you can correct as conditions change. And they will change. Complacency leads to obsolescence.

But start what? I’m inclined to say, ‘whatever.’ A new business; a new project; acting on a dream that may vanish; saying ‘I love you’ before it’s too late; finishing something; communicating with someone; being generous; do something brand new – for the first time. We have to live longer because there’s so much - and so much more to do.

Here’s something new and worthwhile – important – and it’s four nights away:
Thursday evening, March 15th, from 7:30 – 8:30 is START night – living a sustainable life in a sustainable world.
The number is 1-218 936 6666 access: 998765#

If you want to use this article (or any of my articles) in your Ezine, newsletter or website, you can – as long as you include this bio with it:
Michael Lipp, MS, coach and author provides innovative and profitable strategies to entrepreneurs, seniors, and people committed to sustainability and/or creativity. My website is being redesigned – Write me at michaellipp@1stclasscoaching.com

Useful Quotes
It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen

In describing today's accelerating changes, the media fire blips of unrelated information at us. Experts bury us under mountains of narrowly specialized monographs. Popular forecasters present lists of unrelated trends, without any model to show us their interconnections or the forces likely to reverse them. As a result, change itself comes to be seen as anarchic, even lunatic.
Alvin Toffler

If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.
Charles Kettering

In times of change, learners inherit the Earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.
Eric Hoffer

All conservatism is based upon the idea that if you leave things alone you leave them as they are. But you do not. If you leave a thing alone you leave it to a torrent of change.
G.K.Chesterton

The Creative Corner

Entropy and Growth

“Who is doing these awful things,” she shrieked, “to me?”
“It is I,” the Exponential Growth Rate,” the giant roared.
“Mercy!” she cried,
“Can no one save me fwom this fwightening fate?”
“No!” bellowed the giant, “No one!”
And he ate her.

“Why, that’s not so fwightening,” she murmured.

One of the most famous laws of physics is
the 2nd law of thermodynamics –
the law of entropy.
Entropy tells us that things change
all by themselves,
that things go from a state of order
to a state of disorder,
that the universe is running down.

We spend much of our lives in the futile effort to resist
or even reverse
entropy.
Too bad. Cobwebs do gather in corners.

What we don’t realize is that
the very effort to reverse entropy is entropy.
Technological growth demonstrates entropy.
The more things there are;
the more particulated the universe is,
the more disorder exists.
Complete heterogeneity is the same as complete chaos.
Every time we discover a new “fact”
the universe becomes more complicated and even further
fragmented,
further disordered.

And we are discovering new facts
at an alarming rate -and the rate is increasing -
and the rate of increase is increasing –

So many trees; so few forests.

When everything is on-line
and available at our fingertips, then everything
is well-hidden and nothing is known.

The more we discover, the easier it is to see
that we are each unique – and none different.
So Let the Good Times Roll

Perspectives March 5th 2007

2007-03-05T05:11:00.000-08:00

Unabashed Coaching and Consulting

One of the things about coaching is that it’s the opposite of consulting. When you hire a consultant you hire an expert – you hire answers. But a coach is paid not to know. In fact, I used to have business cards that said, “I don’t know… I really don’t know.” I am hired to ask questions so that you discover that you know or that you can know. My internet coaching is, I confess, partially consulting, because I do know a lot of answers – and I’m still learning like crazy. But my coaching value lies in your knowledge – it’s mutual – we learn from each other.

One of the reasons this is my theme today is that I am really grappling to integrate this new view of the universe I have. Sometimes I pretend that I know. This is a common issue for me. What keeps me sane (that is - grappling) is that I occasionally listen to different media-heads whose job it is to adopt the pretense that they know – or that they are ‘above having to know--- they simply judge.’

Okay – what is this view? Where has it come from and where do I think it’s going? Let’s see if I can do some organizing:
*** I really didn’t grasp anything about my stewardship of Earth, of all of it. This began when I made a commitment to support creating the sustainable end of hunger. Still, I was mostly concerned with me and was willing to be part of that movement – even to own it. But I didn’t truly get it until I did the “Awakening the Dreamer” Symposium. When I saw “The Universe Story” (by Neil Rogin, from the writings of Thomas Merton and Brian Swimme) I began to really see our fundamental relatedness, our true interconnectivity.
*** Then I saw “What The Bleep” (do we know?) and “Mindwalk” which see the world through the lens of quantum mechanics and raise some fundamental questions.
*** And then I saw “The Secret,” which I’ve written a bit about. Simply stated, I can see the Law of Attraction as fundamental – and again, our relatedness and interconnectivity are clear.
I thought it was an enormous step to see myself not just as “myself,” but now… I’m grappling.
I got it. We’re fundamentally interconnected. So how does that affect how I live? I’ll keep writing about what I see, because it’s useful for me and will hopefully be valuable for you.

Thursday evening, March 15th, from 7:30 – 8:30 is START night –living a sustainable life in a sustainable world.
The number is 1-218 936 6666 access: 998765#

If you want to use this article (or any of my articles) in your Ezine, newsletter or website, you can – as long as you include this bio with it:
Michael Lipp, MS, coach and author provides innovative and profitable strategies to entrepreneurs, seniors, and people committed to sustainability and/or creativity. My website is being redesigned – Write me at michaellipp@1stclasscoaching.com

Useful Quotes
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
Walt Disney

All human beings have this burden in life to constantly figure out what's true, what's authentic, what's meaningful, what's dross, what's a hallucination, what's a figment,
what's madness. We all need to figure out what is valuable, constantly.
Maxine Hong Kingston

When the forms of an old culture are dying, the new culture is created by a few
people who are not afraid to be insecure.
Rudolf Bahro

People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle.
Thich Nhat Hanh

Everyone's life is under someone's control - it might as well be under your own so that you can direct your destiny.
Harry Tucker ( Strategy Adviser – Microsoft)

With laissez-faire and price atomic,
Ecology's Uneconomic,
But with another kind of logic

Economy's Unecologic.
Kenneth E. Boulding (1910 – 1993)

The Creative Corner

A Whimsical Commercial

The I Ching is the Chinese poetry of the future –
Throw sticks or coins; they resonate with your soul
The Co ching is my prose

to invent your future
It resonates with your voice
And elicits your choice

I used to think I knew
Who knew I knew?
I could gather my forces
And quote my sources
‘Cause I was meant
To win my every argument
This was a bad beginning
It’s how to lose by winning

When it comes to having fun
Two heads are better than one
And itching is
Better than bitching
According to the I Ching

Perspectives February 26th, 2007

2007-02-26T16:46:00.000-08:00

The Knee Bone Connected To...

This is late getting out today. I apologize. I'll have to open up more of my life - and I want to do that. I spent the last four days at a magical retreat in a Rock House in the desert outside of Wickenburg, Arizona. It was a meeting of the Board of Directors of the Global Abundance Alliance (GAA). There will be pictures of this extraordinary place in our wiki - globalpromises.jot.com - in a day or two.

But I want to speak of the GAA's vision, which is:
All people live in full awareness of the interconnectedness of life, that we are the source of the world we live in, a world providing for all.

When we first created our vision, simply saying that life was interconnected was a somewhat radical notion. Today, those of you who read this know this. Today our thrust is that people live in full awareness of it... And I ask you to imagine our world -- all of it -- if people were in full awareness that we are all interconnected. How could there be conflict? How could there be continuing degradation of our environment? How could there be poverty and homelessness?

How could there be ... and on and on?

I've spent the last few posts writing about The Secret which really speaks of that interconnection and the feedback mechanism of the Universe to our understanding of that relationship. I want to ask some more questions. If you lived in full awareness that we are all interconnected, how would this change the way you live - your business - your relationships - your commitment to our environment? How can you begin to think and act consistent with this? How can you deal with the reality of old habits? How can you remember that the Knee Bone is Connected to the Thigh Bone... and hear the Word?

Useful Quotes

A student asked: "Miss Keller, is there anything that could have been worse than losing your sight?" Helen Keller replied: "Yes, I could have lost my vision."
Quoted by Bill Moyers

No employer today is independent of those about him.
He cannot succeed alone, no matter how great his ability or capital.
Business today is more than ever a question of cooperation.
Orison Swett Marden (1850-1924, founder of Success Magazine)

Whatever you do will be insignificant,
but it is very important that you do it.
Mahatma Gandhi

We think too small, like the frog at the bottom of the well.

He thinks the sky is only as big as the top of the well.

If he surfaced, he would have an entirely different view.

Mao Tse-Tung

Creative Corner

The Tortoise and The Hare Hike

We are all trail creatures

Vicky is the hare who bounds freely,

moving magically from perch to perch.

Her feet already always know the way.

I am the tortoise, looking down

for certain footing, leaving no room to play.

We pause and see the desert mountain world,

a world inside a world I never knew -

a world of such stochastic beauty,

jagged and asymmetric. The only curves

are curves of Saguaro cactus

and some boulders smoothed by millenia,

cloaked with lichen, painted yellow to green.

Everywhere the stubborn life lies dormant,

patiently waiting, waiting for water,

waiting with thirst to burst alive

again with blossoms

blossoms of unexpected hue, but

unexpected only to those

plodding tortoise feet

Perspectives: February 19th, 2007

2007-02-19T06:33:00.000-08:00

Life, Love and Money

I’ve been writing these articles for years. And I’ve always seen them as somehow not relevant to my work – having a certain nobility, a purity of purpose - blecch. One result of this is that whenever I’ve ‘advertised’ for clients, I’ve had no response.

I’ve finally come to see how off-purpose I’ve been about this. (This realization is consistent with my ‘discovery’ of The Secret) In my background somewhere has been this peculiar relationship with money that is completely contrary to the point of having money. Listen to this absurdity: If you love what you do, you shouldn’t do it for money. This goes a long way to explaining my history.

It’s clear to me that while most of you (I hope) don’t have this insanity, most of us have some insanity mixing up our life, loving it all and dealing with success and money.

Here’s my personal point. I intend to supplement my income in a big way by my use of the internet. I’m actually an expert on how to do this, but have shied away from even talking about it because of my self-contradictions. No more. I’m dealing now with three sites, currently evolving and heading toward Profit. Most of you would like your sites to be more than (at best) animated business cards. I’m available.

Thursday evening, from 7:30 – 8:30 is START night –living a sustainable life in a sustainable world.
The number is 1-218 936 6666 access: 998765#

If you want to use this article (or any of my articles) in your Ezine, newsletter or website, you can – as long as you include this bio with it:
Michael Lipp, MS, coach and author provides innovative and profitable strategies to entrepreneurs, seniors, and people committed to sustainability and/or creativity. My website is being redesigned – Write me at michaellipp@1stclasscoaching.com

Useful Quotes

The mind has exactly the same power as the hands:
not merely to grasp the world, but to change it.
Colin Wilson

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.
Richard Bach

To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude.
Albert Schweitzer

It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy.
George Horace Lorimer

Money is like a sixth sense –
and you can't make use of the other five without it
W. Somerset Maugham

The Creative Corner
Wrong Way Corrigan
I used to think that profit
was profligate
I had my own scales and measured
in my peculiar way
my hours against my money
This left me with fewer hours
to enjoy
and a minimum of money t
o enjoy them with.
But now I see the world’s
been waiting for me and I have been
so profligate,
so recklessly wasteful,
that I have lived to minimize my contributions

Perspectives - February 19th, 2007

2007-02-19T05:55:00.000-08:00

Life, Love and Money

I’ve been writing these articles for years. And I’ve always seen them as somehow not relevant to my work – having a certain nobility, a purity of purpose - blecch. One result of this is that whenever I’ve ‘advertised’ for clients, I’ve had no response.

I’ve finally come to see how off-purpose I’ve been about this. (This realization is consistent with my ‘discovery’ of The Secret) In my background somewhere has been this peculiar relationship with money that is completely contrary to the point of having money. Listen to this absurdity: If you love what you do, you shouldn’t do it for money. This goes a long way to explaining my history.

It’s clear to me that while most of you (I hope) don’t have this insanity, most of us have some insanity mixing up our life, loving it all and dealing with success and money.

Here’s my personal point. I intend to supplement my income in a big way by my use of the internet. I’m actually an expert on how to do this, but have shied away from even talking about it because of my self-contradictions. No more. I’m dealing now with three sites, currently evolving and heading toward Profit. Most of you would like your sites to be more than (at best) animated business cards. I’m available.

Thursday evening, from 7:30 – 8:30 is START night –living a sustainable life in a sustainable world.
The number is 1-218 936 6666 access: 998765#

If you want to use this article (or any of my articles) in your Ezine, newsletter or website, you can – as long as you include this bio with it:
Michael Lipp, MS, coach and author provides innovative and profitable strategies to entrepreneurs, seniors, and people committed to sustainability and/or creativity.
(My website is broken, but will be fixed next week - You can write me at michaellipp@1stclasscoaching.com)

Useful Quotes

The mind has exactly the same power as the hands:
not merely to grasp the world, but to change it.
Colin Wilson

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.
Richard Bach

To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude.
Albert Schweitzer

It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy.
George Horace Lorimer

Money is like a sixth sense –
and you can't make use of the other five without it
W. Somerset Maugham

The Creative Corner

Wrong Way Corrigan
I used to think that profit
was profligate
I had my own scale of work and measured
in my peculiar way
my hours against my money
This left me with fewer hours to enjoy
and a minimum of money to enjoy them with.
But now I see the world’s
been waiting for me and I have been
so profligate,
so recklessly wasteful,
that I have lived to minimize
my contributions

Perspectives - 2-12-07

2007-02-12T06:21:00.000-08:00

Perspectives – February 12th, 2007

I need help!! I’ll give a free book to you if you come up with a name for my book site that works and is available. You’d be surprised at what I’ve tried. The name has to be easy to use, spell, etc. I like 1stclasspublishing, but it doesn’t fit those criteria – it’s too long and hard to spell…1st drives people crazy.

Science and Spirituality

There’s a new consistency between micro physics and macro-physics, between quantum physics and cosmology. And this is remarkably consistent with spirituality.

Now as far as I know, we still think we’re living in a Newtonian Universe – the planets are billiard balls; we are all separate, independent bodies – this is not that; that is not the other – It’s a bit like how are eyes are fooled to think the sun moves around earth – ‘It’ rises here, moves around and sets there. We haven’t even caught up with Einstein.

Yet now the “truth” emerges, makes sense and is a little bit taught… Movies have caught up, so young people are learning (What the Bleep, The Universe Story, and, of course The Secret ($5+ at www.thesecret.tv, now seen via Oprah and so seen by millions)

The Secret actually speaks to how to live with this new knowledge. For those who don’t know, the basic knowledge is that we all ‘come’ from the same place – that we are all manifestations of pure energy. How this shows up is through a basic law of the universe – the Law of Attraction – the universe responds to the energy you emanate through your emotions, thoughts and actions and you can’t fake it.

It will take a while, but our world view, our beliefs, our plans and our futures will begin to shift to be consistent with this marriage of our science and our spirituality. Stay tuned.

This Thursday evening, from 7:30 – 8:30 is the start of START – one way of living consistent with the Secret. The number is 1-218 936 6666 access: 998765#

Useful Quotes

We are not creatures of circumstance; We are creators of circumstance."
Benjamin Disraeli

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree Martin Luther King Jr

The best things in life aren't things

Art Buchwald.

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Happiness is when what you think,
what you say, and what you do
are in harmony.
Mahatma Gandhi

The Creative Corner

I sit here sworn to write,
To write a poem that weds my words
To the way it works. It isn’t easy
It isn’t hard; it’s a poem.
So all I have to do is let my words sing
And the universe will harmonize
And I know there’s always harmony.
It’s not so much to want,
I only have to say
And the truth of what I want
Has more value than what I say.
It bounces off the walls of heaven
It resonates and rebounds all around us
And my real words are my real life

Perspectives - February 5th, 2007:Let’s Talk About Start

2007-02-04T12:47:00.000-08:00

Perspectives – February 5th, 2007

Let’s Talk About Start

I’m working on a website that will include START. It’s called www.Grow2Green.com.
Nancy essentially owns that site. It will consist of 3 things – a newsletter that shares about what we’ve experienced in greening our lives, the START website, and pointers to what we consider useful/valuable green products.

Here’s what START is - People decide they’re committed to a green world. We are distressed by the virtually daily news stories of environmental ‘problems.’ We keep hearing that there are things we can do. But somehow we don’t feel as if we’re doing enough, or doing it right, or making any difference.

I will use my knowledge and experience as a coach to work with you to support you powerfully in this area – how to set specific goals, how to gather support, how to enroll other people in what you want, etc. In addition, we’ll deal with specific, pertinent topics as well as coachinbg you on whatever you need to move forward.

We’ll also have a chat room and forum on the site – We want it to be totally valuable to you.

The first START call will be from 7:30 – 8:30est on Thursday, Feb 8. The number is
1-218-936-6666 – x 998765#. I haven’t arranged for calls to be recorded (yet) – I’m still an amateur.

START will consist of two teleconferences a month, for people committed to making a difference with their lives, and will cost $15/month or $150/yr. This first call is free, of course.

Useful Quotes

We are seeking another basic outlook: the world as an organization. This would profoundly change the categories of our thinking and influence our practical attitudes. We must envision the biosphere as a whole with mutually reinforcing or mutually destructive interdependencies.
Ludwig Von Bertalanffy

We won't have a society if we destroy the environment.
Margaret Mead

What is the good of having a nice house
without a decent planet to put it on?
Henry David Thoreau

Smile, it's free therapy
Edwardo Rosso

My experience with these groups is that the stronger the collective wisdom present, the stronger my sense of unique individuality -- only now it's within the context of the whole rather than separate from the whole.
Tom Callanan

The Creative Corner

At Last, I Learned to See

I learned to look at the sky
To see the clouds form and move
In stately kaleidoscopic dancing
I learned to see, to see the sun
Change the colors of the trees
The colors of the seasons
The colors of the faces of my friends
I’ve become afraid to look
I don’t believe it

Before -I never even saw the sky
I didn’t care
I noticed rain and snow
I noticed heat and cold
Only because I had to
I had to dress you know
I had to clothe my body
But I never cared
I was snared by the culture,
By the way it seems to be

And now I see
It’s time to move the dance,
Change the pace and rhythm

and be in tune with
our partners – who leads
And who follows.

Michael Lipp
www.1stclasscoaching.com

Keith Olbermann

2006-10-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

I occasionally watch Keith on MSNBC. Last night I thought his commentary was beyond extraordinary. I'm amazed that he hasn't been fired. Even my wife was blown away and she hates listening to news.

It was a call to action. I kept hearing Joseph Welch at the Senate hearings many years ago, when he confronted Joe McCarthy and said, "At long last, Senator, have you no decency?" But this was deeper, more complete and complex. He showed film clips of our president accusing all people who were against the war and against the torture as being traitors. He, Bush, lied about non-Bush positions over and over.

He said very clearly that Bush was attempting to destroy the very fabric of our country by destroying our constitution. He showed an interview with General Franks that was wonderful and fair and explicit in its understanding of what used to make our nation the greatest - our love of law and peace.

If you can somehow find a rebroadcast, find it. This should be mandatory for all students.

Flag Wrapping

2006-09-29T11:57:00.000-07:00

My father used to tell me that when fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in our flag. He is not alive and would be glad to not see our country democratically vote itself into a fascist dictatorship.

Last night I was watching this new show, Shark. There was one line that fortunately lifts my sadness and dries my tears. Shark tells one of his lawyers, "Put a band aid on your bleeding heart and do your job." I am a lucky liberal - I've signed no papers, made no speeches, done no foreign travel -- And my friends are, I think, all "solid citizens." The danger is not to me; it is to my world. So I can apply the band aid and do my job.

My job is simple, not easy, but simple. It is to have everyone I speak to pay attention to our planet - Save money and go green. Not the green of greenbacks; the green of give backs.

2006-09-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

When the Truth is a Lie

2006-09-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

I usually stay away from writing about politics - but ... I heard one of the president's speeches this week and I have to comment. He said, "We weren't asked for this war..." I was infuriated. How can he say that, I thought? After all, and I replayed all the arguments... We attacked unprovoked. Every argument we had has been refuted.

But wait. Doesn't that make it true that we weren't asked? Isn't it interesting that such an obvious lie can be so obviously true? Our language is very strange.

Oils Well That Ends

2006-07-20T10:13:00.000-07:00

Everybody (who believes in science) knows that we're in a global warming crisis. In a way that's a smoke screen (exhaust smoke, of course.) It stops us from dealing with a far more serious concern - that we're running out of oil.

I've just checked(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oil_reserves). Our chjildren, certainly our grandchildren and for sure our great granchildren will not face the global warming crisis due to oil burning. There won't be any.

I'm not thinking now of driving. I think that's the most minor face of this problem. So I can't drive - big deal. I'll telecommute. But waitaminit. How can I repair my computer or get a new one? Isn't everything made of plastic? What will happen to plastic?

Forget plastic.. How will I eat? Everything we eat travels an average of 1,000 miles. Am I going to have to eat locallyt? No more bananas? Kiwi fruit? Pineapples?

Is anyone working on this crisis? Does anyone with any resources have any awareness or commitment in this area? Hey. Personally, I'm 69 years old. It won't affect me.

A Worse Truth?

2006-07-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

When I first saw An Inconvenient Truth I was really enthusiastic - Wow! At last! But I've come to realize - it's a movie! Only a movie. It will go through the normal cycle of movies - to lesser theaters - to DVD - to cable. And gone.

Will there be mandatory (or even optional) viewing in schools? Will this be seen by our politicos? Who will pay attention? What happens to ideas in movies? I can make a nice list of movies with important ideas, important theses that are now gone.

We are now in a national debate about immigration. But who has seen the movie, Walkout - an excellent 2006 movie produced by Edward Olmos?

How about Mindwalk, an extraordinary 1991 movie about world conditions - starring Liv Ullman, Sam Waterson and Jonathan Heard? You never even heard of it (no pun) did you? This is as provocative as An Inconvenient Truth - really.

Last year there was a powerful quasi-fictional movie about the Millenium Development Goals - The Girl in the Cafeteria. .

They just become movies. They leave our consciousness as they leave our screens. And I think they lose their power. These are mighty issues. And they devolve into entertainment. But how else? How do we prolong the existence of ideas until they become acted on or at least considered. Unfortunately, we live in the cliche 'out of sight, out of mind.'

Of course, this isn't a conversation about movies, but about the human condition... about the need for viral idea marketing, for having conversations and ideas stick, take root, grow, flourish. It's the ultimate how question.

Blue Monday

2006-07-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

Of course, it's Wednesday. But the 4th has caught up with me - just enough family and food; just enough help; too much rain, too much thinking about our growing lack of freedom.

The last time I remember it being this bad -'the McCarthy era' I was in college. We were studying debate and our proposed topic was "resolved: the United States should recognize Red China." No one volunteered to take the affirmative - Because we were an engineering school and every person there was afraid they would jeapordize their future security clearance. (I volunteered.)

This is how the atmosphere is polluted by the climate in Washington. I notice that not only are they recognized (and are still a freedom-supressing country) but they also own a significant amount of the United States. This despite the China Lobby.

About that time I started my favorite cliche and I fight against it always. I said, "You can too fight City Hall. City Hall just doesn't notice." I have been fighting City Hall all my life. They haven't noticed yet.

I've shifted my resistance to three areas: the crisis in environmental sustainability; the severe loss of social justice and our sadly shrinking spiritual fulfillment. I constantly see a ferocious competition where what's at stake is the quality of life and survival of our planet. But I have a hard time defining the other combatants because I can't understand who can be against this.

Who would choose their personal well-being at the cost of our planet's?

Homeland Stupidity

2006-06-28T07:09:00.000-07:00

My wife went to renew her driver's license. In NJ you now need to provide several forms of personal identification so the state will 'know' you're not a terrorist. Nancy can't bring her birth certificate (because she has used my last name for the last 38 years) so she uses our marriage license. She has used this for identification for years, when needed.

This was rejected by the NJ motor vehicle bureau because it was signed by a justice of the peace and not an official city or state agent. She had to phone the county in Massachusetts, then write, get their copy of the license and go back to get her license. Why?? The logic escapes me.

Like all of us I want to prevent further attacks and am willing to put up with inconvenience to do this. But it seems we attack ourselves with stupidity and incompetence.

Memorial Day

2006-05-29T16:18:00.000-07:00

I'm an old movie buff and this is the weekend for many WWII movies - from post from Here to Eternity/To Hell and Back/Bataan/Purple Heart/Halls of Montezuma..... and others.

But I've seen some of these movies over and over for decades. What I see has changed. How I Listen has changed. How the times have changed. And the culture. I saw how patriotism is made by the company of movie makers... how my heart is stirred, the changing of emotion with the scene of the moment.

And what broke my heart how the very words of the villains of those movie days have become ours. We treated prisoners well. They tortured. We fed them - They starved us. We stood together, no matter what. They honor their principles and not their people.

Today we often do what then we despised. See Judgement at Nuremburg again. See it and imagine that today's Us were yesterday's Them.

I empathize when I see how we learn our beliefs. And how we democratically and freely chose these evil ways. I see who we are and how we behaved then. I still see who we are and how we find ourselves behaving now.

I stand for morality. I want us to listen over and over to our own beliefs in the dignity and honor of all people.... especially those we don't like and don't agree with. We honor our own image of ourselves. We stand for those who can't (even won't) stand for themselves

Becoming a Radical

2006-02-09T11:29:00.000-08:00

I first became a radical in the late 60s - a combination of factors - the Viet Nam War and the across the board serious (still-existing) splits in the country: civil rights, native american rights, women's lib, student newspapers, and many, many more - music, haircuts, comics, grey panthers, black panthers, people's radio..... What makes a radical? You start by changing your thinking on at least one thing and then you build on that... But what finally speaks is the action you take - they speak you. For me the action was my joining Computer People for Peace - being in peaceful demonstrations. It took me a while to feel that it was ok to not be arrested. Then we moved and Nancy and I completely turned over our lifestyle.

Why do I say this? I have spent 32 years trying to re-adjust to this era. But I've become a radical again. I'm moving again - and for similar reasons. I won't fully accept the system the way it has become. I am committed to making my voice about this louder and my use of the environment smaller and smaller.

The time has come for us to get that it's up to us. We have the power and we only need the will to accomplish anything. We only need to know we can and that we can join with others in the doing. The trick is to know we can make it work and not think we're an 'us' against 'them.' We only have to make the distinction 'the future' versus 'the present.'

Rambling

2006-02-06T06:30:00.000-08:00

My life has transformed since doing the Awaken the Dreamer(ATD) symposium -- in many ways.

I've again identified myself with the world, not limited to my neighborhood and friends. I have previously identified myself with 'the hungry.' They are my partners in ending their own hunger. But after 25 years of participating in that activity, it has devolved into an activity. The words are not accompanied by any real sense of partnership. ATD has returned me to my partnership and more, it has given me a new context for that partnership.

I no longer can hear the news the same way because I've read Confessions of an Economic Hit Man (by John Perkins).. John was one of the admitted villains of the world and reversed himself. He is one of the founders of The Pachamama Alliance (www.pachamama.org). It takes real courage to do that.

And I see the necessity for us to blend our cultures with the cultures of the world... But what we do is subvert their cultures to become ours. The consequences are enormous and tragic.

Somehow

2005-12-12T06:20:00.000-08:00

Somehow

I’ll bet this has happened to you, too. You’re going along, happy go lucky and suddenly things fall apart. Not only that, but people are blaming you. You have a bewildered look – What did I do? I didn’t do anything. Why is he/she/everyone looking at me?

Here’s a variation – unfortunately just as common. You’re the boss and you make a decision, but the person or people carrying out that decision fail in its implementation (notice how delicately I put that.) Sadly, the blame falls on you. The decision was correct – you know that – but because of him/her/them it failed and you’re on the hook. Innocent and convicted.

I’m going to give you a phrase that can turn that world around. It has taken me forever to learn it – and it works wonders. It’s not necessarily a public phrase, but one for you to think to yourself and it will lead to whatever you then say or do. Here it is: “Somehow I must be responsible.”

Notice I said, responsible, not to blame. The domain of blame creates a ruinous context, as if you’re morally wrong. Responsibility deals more with cause than guilt. Certainly, when you’re the boss, you are responsible – easy to see, though not easy to take. Look what happens when you take responsibility.

You assert leadership – you are the one. You create a future where change, correction and new results are possible. You relieve the weight from others who, for whatever reasons, can’t or won’t shoulder what seems to them to be a burden. And you will be surprised at how often and how quickly you become supported.

Not only that, but you will discover that you have created new eyes. You can see that – gosh, you really could be responsible – no – you really are responsible. Your view of ‘the facts’ is altered through other’s eyes… ‘Is that what happened?’

Try it the next time you fight with your significant other. The fight will end and love will be restored, even stronger. Can you imagine if you ever said that to your boss?

Where There's a Will

2005-12-09T11:19:00.000-08:00

Where There’s a Will

Last week I attended a symposium presented by the Pachamama Alliance. This has had a profound effect on my life. I was struck by one line, spoken on one of the many fantastic videos they showed. I was struck by many others, but the one I want to share with you, because it also is something that I can relate to coaching, too, is this: What’s Away?

What’s away? What is it to Send away? To Keep away? To Stay away? To Go away? And to Throw away. In the context of the symposium, the focus was on throw away. I can’t escape it because there is no away. But I acted like away meant – out of sight, out of mind – it disappears; away meant – not my responsibility. But when I take something to throw away, it doesn’t disappear. It just hides from view. It becomes garbage. And it can stay around forever.

I’ve switched to cloth napkins. I hate air dryers in public washrooms – and I now use them. I can’t buy coffee in containers anymore. I’ve changed how I shop. I intend to keep my planet around – I won’t throw it away.

And as I thought about the other aways, I can see that we play the same games with our psyches – with our pasts. We want our personal space to be clean, by going away, by keeping away, by sending away. But there is no away. Our yesterdays hang out in our future. They keep popping up. This woman is like that woman is like that woman is like my mother, my sister, my aunt. This boss is like that boss, is like that teacher, is like my brother, my uncle, my father.

But where there’s a will, there’s a way. That’s coaching.
----------------------------------------------------
In many ways this is the start of the overeating season, which is why I think that January is the cold and flu season.

But I am thankful for the life I have – for my family – for my health - for my clients - for all of you. And I wish the same for all of you and yours – that you take a few moments to appreciate your life.

Human Butterflies

2005-08-17T13:41:00.000-07:00

The "Butterfly Effect" is the propensity of a system to be sensitive to initial conditions and become unpredictable over time. This idea gave rise to the notion of a butterfly flapping its wings in one area of the world, and causing a tornado to occur in another remote area of the world. Why do we think this phenomenon is about the weather?

It’s not that if I flap my wings I can cause a tornado. But my flapping mouth can cause a buzz in your ears. Yesterday a couple of kids drove their bikes in front of my car and gave me the finger. I started to curse them and ranted abour spontaneous abortions for selected teens. And my wife reminded me about the Butterfly Effect. My words, even within the confines of my own car, have an effect. They change the energy fields that I live in, that my wife lives in, that the kids live in.

I have to learn that my spirit is everywhere. We have to learn that our spirits are everywhere. We make a difference. Always.

All You Have to Do

2005-08-12T06:49:00.000-07:00

I have been moved by Cindy Sheehan, both politically and personally. Politically, because I believe Tip O’Neill was right – all politics is local. And Ms Sheehan has made this war local to every person.

Personally because I have to confront my own response to (what seems like) W’s illogic. A lot of my power in life comes from reconciling the differences between my attitudes and other people’s, particularly because I’m a coach and always need to be with others so that I can at least see things their way. And because I always think that I know and I’m right. I look at W.’s behavior here and I simply don’t understand. All he has to do is walk down his driveway and speak to this grieving mother, one of thousands. It wouldn’t be a photo op. It needn’t have significance and she doesn’t have to believe or even understand. But it would mollify the country (of course, it’s been so long now that it may only be a lose situation for him.)

I think of this often…”All you have to do is…” And I then have to back off and – if not understand – at least comprehend – that it’s not being done.

The Lone Rangers

2005-08-10T12:12:00.000-07:00

The Lone Ranger

I was talking to a friend of mine this morning and I started the conversation with a perfectly normal question that we all sometimes begin conversations with. I asked him, “How’s business?” He started saying something like, “It’s fine.” (or, “I can’t complain.”) or some other standard deflecting remark that’s all about looking good and not complaining.) Then he caught himself. He acknowledged our friendship and then he said, “You know – I don’t have to do that with you. Here’s what’s really happening.” And he told me.

Why do we do that? We probably think that we do that out of a peculiar courtesy. We assume the person doesn’t really want to know, so we short circuit any answer to avoid boring him or her. But it becomes habitual – We hide ourselves and then we keep hidden.

I get the same answers when I ask people to explore being coached. “I’m fine; I have no complaints.” Of course, there’s something else there. First. It avoids the discomfort of saying, ‘no thanks.’ But underneath that is the basic assumption that coaching is only for people with problems. To be coached is to admit to a need for help.

Not so. Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto; someone to run along side him and provide support (though that really stretches the analogy – I ain’t no sidekick). Coaching is all about creating your future, not fixing your past or hiding your present.

I Don’t Have Anything to Say

2005-08-08T12:13:00.000-07:00

I have a client who today confessed that he had writer’s bloc when it came to his BLOG. My coaching was that he sit down and write, “I don’t have anything to say,” and to go on from there. You see, one of the things I’ve noticed is that writing doesn’t take place in our heads (editing does). If anything, getting stuck in our heads is what stops writing. Writing takes place in the fingers…at least in my fingers.

It’s amazing what I seem to store up in there. Today they want to talk about deep, deep love.

My best friend came for dinner with his wife the other night. I introduced them when she was 14 and we were college freshmen together – over 50 years ago. And she has Alzheimers.

A spark of life shines in her eyes once in a (long) while. She knows us – by inference. Over the years (she started showing symptoms perhaps 18 years ago) her condition has continually worsened and, of course, will continue to worsen. Recently she fell and since then she can barely walk; she shuffles. A list of her symptoms can only sadden and upset you. But I want to talk about my friend.

He has transformed himself from the most dependent chauvinistic husband into a fully responsible man. He does everything to care for his business and his home and his wife. When I say everything, I mean everything. There is no longer any reciprocation – it’s a foolish concept. It’s not the 50-50 we pretend to want. He demonstrates 100-0.

Love requires nothing. It feeds him and it nurtures him.

Integrity

2005-07-13T07:44:00.000-07:00

Integrity

Let me see if I understand – Karl Rove outs a CIA agent to Bob Novak, a well-defined crime (actually treason) and Judy Miller and a reporter from Time go to jail…So I tell 3 people a company secret. One of them steals it and the other two get fired. I’m beginning to understand the new world of politics. What would make it more accurate is if the person who told gets promoted and the person who stole it is given access to more secrets.

What shakes me up is that I have a peculiar notion of integrity. Silly me – I value it. Now I have to confess I violate my own standards, but it gnaws at me that I do.

Yesterday I bought something – I went to pay by credit card (it was $45)..The person asked if I had cash and I had $28. He said, “Im ticked off at my boss. Give me the $28 and we’ll call it even.” And I did. I sold myself and the owner and (really) the ticked off clerk for a lousy $17. I can’t let it lie. Not too long ago, I would have been overjoyed at ‘found’ money. Now I will end up going back there and asking to re-exchange my credit card for $28 in cash.

I know the employee pocketed the money.. and I let him. Is there really any difference between Rove, Novak and me?

Integrity only counts if there’s nobody there to see. This is the ancient story of the master who tells his disciples to get a chicken and when no one can see, kill it. All the disciples came back, except one. Still holding the chicken he said, “Wherever I went, both the chicken and I could see.”

Effortless Success

2005-06-14T13:33:00.000-07:00

What is it that the vintners buy, one half so precious as what they sell?
I think I have an answer or at least something that helps all answers happen. And the result of my ongoing inquiry is a new business that will ultimately supersede my personal coaching practice (that I am very excited about and almost as surprised saying this as you are hearing it). Read on.

The more I looked at vintners, the more wine I found. We love work. We love the sense of accomplishment, productivity, working well as a team, setting and meeting meaningful goals, making a difference in our company, in our family, in our community. But we hate effort.

But we hate ‘having to.’ We hate tension and stress. We hate grinding drudgery, no outcomes, the same future over and over, isolation, no new possibility – same old, same old.

I have joined with several well-qualified friends to form the Center for Effortless Success. Together, we have designed a curriculum, a series of workshops, each of which will produce the desired result – effortless success in different areas of your life.

We have reserved (but not yet built) www.EffortlessSuccess.com. Our launch date is Tuesday, September 13th. Most courses will be 5 sessions at a very affordable $250. They’ll be held from 6:30 – 8:30 PM and limited to 20 people.
Of course, you’ll hear more about this. And the questions you send me will give us more information about what you want and need. Of course, you can reserve your spot now.

If your company sends five participants, it can send a sixth gratis.

I was startled to discover that the Center is a unique activity. Coaches throughout the world offer group coaching, but they universally do this by conference call. The Center will conduct our seminars in a comfortable classroom setting, conveniently located in the US Rt. 1 corridor in New Jersey.

This is something new and exciting. I’m hoping for a fast summer.

Feeling Blah

2005-05-22T07:19:00.000-07:00

It’s the middle of May and 70 degrees still seems imaginative. It’s Sunday and I have this to do and that to do. Frankly, I’m grumpy. I have a serious attack of the I-don’t-wannas. Worse, I read the newspaper and that is usually a depressing idea – no, a depressing reality.

Fortunately, I have a wife who won’t abide me in this mood for more than a paragraph or so and she always says whatever I need to hear to wake me up (often something as subtle as, “Michael – Wake up!”) So that’s what I’m thinking about – the idea of waking up.

There’s no accounting for being in a blah-mood. I mean, there are reasons. But there are always reasons, no better than today’s and no worse than today’s. There are also reasons for not being in that discouraging mood, no better and no worse than all the others. Having a ‘reason-scale’ makes no sense. I have never heard of anyone ever changing a mood by logic.

But there is one question that never fails to wake me up. And that is, “Who am I being?” or “Who do I want to be?” I always have a choice. I can be my moods, which change more frequently than the weather, or I can be my choice.

For most of us this is hard – choice? –Choose what? I’m lucky that way. I have said what my choice will be. I choose love and contribution, wisdom and harmony. When I don’t see one of those things going on at the moment I’ll at least see what I can do that manifests or includes some of them, like writing this.

There Is Cheese in the Tunnel

2005-05-11T08:28:00.000-07:00

By now most of you know the metaphoric story of the relationship between the rat and the cheese. In doing a psychological study, a scientist builds a maze with five tunnels and puts some cheese at the end of one of them, say tunnel 4. He then puts a rat in the maze. The rat sniffs around. Aha! it smells cheese. It scoots down a tunnel. No cheese. Sniffs some more and scoots down a tunnel. No cheese. Finally, the rat finds the cheese. Scientist removes rat and replaces cheese in tunnel 4. The rat findsthe cheese a little faster. After a while you have a trained rat. Remove rat. Replace cheese. Zips down tunnel 4 and feasts. Then the scientist moves the cheese to another tunnel, say 2. Puts the rat in. It zooms down tunnel 4. No cheese. The rat's confused. Zips down tunnel 4. No cheese.
Here's the point of the story. The difference between rats and human beings is that eventually the rat will go down tunnel 2 and get the cheese. Human beings will go down tunnel 4 forever. It's the right tunnel. They know it. They can prove it by their history. After all, it always worked before.

One of the things I notice in relationships and in business is that we seem to have only a fixed number of available options (tunnels). So we always do one of the same old things. And we're down tunnel 4. We get one of the same old results. No cheese. Eventually we give up in frustration. But, hey! There is cheese in that tunnel. What is something new, something we haven't thought of. How do we get like the Scarecrow and 'think of things we never thunk before?'

It's a good metaphor for coaching. The wizard didn't do the job (he just gave the Scarecrow a diploma,) but it worked for the Scarecrow. There was cheese and the coach helped the client get it himself.

Losing Relationships

2005-04-12T12:59:00.000-07:00

I used to lose friends the same way I would lose car keys. They would somehow be misplaced (I'd move or they'd move or addresses got lost, etc.). Of course, with car keys I go through a ritual to look for them – my night table, the jacket I wore yesterday, my pants in the laundry, the junk drawer, my wife’s purse. And then I circle through the same places again, thinking I didn’t look hard enough.

The difference, of course, is that eventually my car keys turn up – they have to. I have to look harder, if at all, for lost friends or I rely on serendipity or I give up. But what does it cost to lose them and what does it cost to find them?

Well, we often don’t even notice when we lose them that we’ve lost something valuable. I know that’s callous, but the notion of moving on or starting new is endemic to our culture. “Stay in touch” we might say, but gone is gone – even email addresses change.

We do have ways now of reclaiming old friends (though women often change their last names) and some of those ‘find someone’ web sites can be useful. But we largely remain unaware that we have lost something valuable when we lose friends. I know this because I know how I feel when an old friend suddenly turns up.

The other day, a friend of mine discovered that two of his clients were old friends of mine. Because of him I called them (they’re reading this) and we will get together. I had mused about them from time to time over the years but, strangely enough, I didn’t realize that I missed them until we spoke and all the good things about them came flashing back.

It pays to stay connected and whatever small effort is required to keep that connection alive, no relationship is worth disappearing.

At Home in My Community Relationships

2005-03-18T13:49:00.000-08:00

I took on a project to enroll my business networking group to work with Homefront, a community group that houses the homeless. My project is for the business networking groups to get them jobs. This relationship will be of great benefit to both groups – to get the homeless out of their cycles of dependency and to the networking groups because it will enhance their reputation, add to the cohesiveness of the group (and therefore attract new members) and because nothing gives zest and satisfaction better than making a difference where a difference needs to be made.

I met with Amanthia, the head of ‘Partnership for Family Independence,’ one of the arms of Homefront. She is my partner in this. She is so willing to expand her job-seeking activities. I was fully ignorant about who they housed, what they (and their tenants) did, what they needed and what help they needed to get the jobs. This is her community by ownership, but she is considered an outsider because she has a high school degree and a car.

You know, it’s one thing to have attitudes about the homeless, still another to read the statistics or read about them and still more another to find out, meet, experience the lives of the homeless. Sheila (all names fake here) was in the office when I arrived. She is 18 with a 3-year old son, trying to finish high school. Her friend Terry is 21 and is living 2-3 days a week with her. We all know this is illegal and they will have to stop once they get their id cards to let people in and out of the building. Terry lives with another friend 2 days and with her boyfriend (who lives with his mother) the rest of the time. He’s the father of her own 3-year old, who she lugs around with her. She hasn’t finished high school. Every story is the same as that and different from it. Mothers and sisters may have three different apartments in the building. The building has security, but is truly marginal. Some tenants are disabled; others are developmentally disabled.

We don’t know how many homeless (or housed homeless) there are. There are 197 apartments in the building I was in. But over Christmas, they gave the children over 1,000 toy baskets. They always take applications for their housing, but the requirements are stiff and the waiting lists long. This is not an improving situation.

If nothing is done, we will have worsening situations because our welfare laws are increasingly rigid. If we succeed in this project, it can be viewed as a drop in the bucket. Amanthia succeeds in getting 3 jobs a month. But when we succeed, we will be mobilizing the business community to actively participate in bettering their own communities. This can alter the community on the have and have not sides. All of us will win.

Some people are willing – eager – to work. Others are lost in the attitudes of victim and the culture of multi-generational welfare. Amanthia is training people in basic work skills. They need jobs above the minimum because the minimum is not enough. They need $10/hour: delivery, stock clerks, janitors, housekeepers, security guards, retail clerks, and attendants. We just need to help them take that first step. First steps are bigger than all the rest.

You Have a Choice

2005-03-15T08:03:00.000-08:00

I’m a relationship coach and, unlike most, I deal with those ‘other’ relationships. Of course, I make love happen without wings and an arrow, but I really make a difference with business relationships, family relationships, community relationships, old and stale relationships and all the rest that we take for granted, lost or forgotten.

I’m also an activist for ending hunger and for creating jobs for the homeless. These activities make me think politically. For example, I just found out that this administration gives far more in food assistance than was ever done before. I was initially stunned and pleased. Then I found out that the increase was mandatory. The budget is pegged to the population that requires food aid. This has skyrocketed so the budget has dramatically increased. Hunger is on the rise.

My natural instincts are to rail and rant, to stomp my feet (verbally) and complain. But I’m a relationship coach. I tell people my commitment is that around me people experience love and contribution, wisdom and harmony, So I performed one of the great secrets of relationships – I remembered that I have a choice. And I forgave them. Forgiveness is that great secret of relationships – and it’s most powerful when undeserved. How I can forgive is that I use what the Buddha said, “Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a different past.”

So I take myself away from the past, away from morality, back into the present and working toward the future

You Have a Choice

2005-03-15T07:56:00.000-08:00

Relqationship Secrets

2005-03-11T14:21:00.000-08:00

There are many ways that communication strengthens relationships. I love these two:

Permission

Without permission almost anything “helpful” you say is considered to be too intrusive or meddling and is responded to with defensiveness. Defensiveness takes the form of anything from an icily polite “thank you” all the way to open hostility. Even when permission is implied (you’re the boss or you're with your spouse) it helps to get it. It hurts not to.

But imagine that you precede what you say with something as simple as, “Can I say something?” or, “Is it all right if I tell you something?”. Almost everyone will say, “okay” or “sure” or the like. You now have permission. Anything you now say has been invited. Maybe what you have to say is really serious – Get more permission. “This is kind of delicate – is it all right if I keep going?” or “I don’t want to upset you, can I continue?” Again, most people will say yes.

Here is something else we don’t know that allows powerful communication and powerful relationships. Give yourself permission. When giving a talk or a presentation, many people become tongue-tied. Start by giving yourself permission – “I’m feeling nervous” or “I’m in unfamiliar territory, please excuse me if I sound nervous. I am.” You’ve turned people from a potentially hostile audience into an empathetic one.

Appreciation

I’ve been doing this one for so long, it’s hard for me to remember that it’s a secret. People don’t get acknowledged enough. Husbands don’t thank wives. Wives don’t thank husbands. We rarely, if ever, acknowledge our children. Children certainly don’t acknowledge parents. If anyone acknowledges their boss it’s considered apple-polishing. Bosses rarely, if ever, acknowledge employees.

In my wife’s company, managers are actually forbidden to say positive things in their reviews – The company is afraid that if they say something positive and then had a layoff, the person would then sue them.

Hey! Acknowledgment is mother’s milk….not if it’s falsely delivered, then it smells and everyone knows it’s just kissing up. Acknowledgment doesn’t have to be a big deal. In fact, acknowledgment is even sweeter when it’s not earned.

Look at your children and say, “I haven’t told you how much I love you for a while. And I want you to know that I love you a lot. You’re very, very special.” Try saying to your boss, “I know no one ever tells you this, but I want you to know, I enjoy working for you.” Try it on. I used to feud with one of my daughters and I made it a point to acknowledge her (Incidentally, acknowledgement doesn’t mean ‘compliment’ it’s more closely related to ‘recognize.’) I just started to recognize her. The feud disappeared.

What’s great and so effective about acknowledgment is when it is unsolicited and unearned. Imagine how you would feel if you were just acknowledged for being yourself.

This just touches the surface of these critical secrets of relationships and communication., And there are more

Being Your Community

2005-03-06T06:51:00.000-08:00

Last week I wrote about Community Relations and, in particular about my accountability to fill the seats in my upcoming Ending Hunger Benefit Gala. I didn’t give any information about it, and I should have – It’s April 9th in the Hanover Marriott Hotel in Whippany, NJ [www.EventsToEmpowerHumanity.org].
Then I saw that my silence about that is symptomatic of most of us. And I don’t fully understand that.

Most of you who read this also volunteer in some way and you certainly contribute to one or more really worthwhile causes. But we rarely speak about it. “Business as usual” is a devastating phrase. We sometimes wear cause-appropriate T-shirts but we rarely speak. Why do we hide ourselves? Business as usual? Or we don’t think it matters much? Or “it’s not my job?” Or “it feels like bragging or a million other reasons? That’s the real silent majority. We just feel awkward and uncomfortable about being personal with people. It’s a risk.

I suggest you take the risk. New worlds of relationship can become available. I learned this from a course I’ve taken: “Say the same old thing and have the same old life.” What could happen if you said something different, if you shared with people what you do for your community? One of the things is that you become your community. You will find yourself with an amplified voice. People will listen to you differently. They will think of you differently. You will have a stronger voice.

Years ago I started speaking about ending hunger. And that is how many people think of me. So I expanded my involvement. And people began relating to me that way. And I discovered that I mattered, I’ve become who I say I am – the possibility of love, contribution, wisdom and harmony.

As you matter. And you do, when people discover that who you are doesn’t stop with the outside of your skin or the reach of your family. Share your involvement. That’s community relationship in action. It’s already there – we just need to let other people know.

Being Your Community

2005-03-04T13:17:00.000-08:00

Last week I wrote about Community Relations and, in particular about my accountability to fill the seats in my upcoming Ending Hunger Benefit Gala. I didn’t give any information about it, and I should have – It’s April 9th in the Hanover Marriott Hotel in Whippany, NJ [www.EventsToEmpowerHumanity.org].
Then I saw that my silence is symptomatic of most of us. And I don’t understand that.

Most of you who read this also volunteer in some way and you certainly contribute to one or more really worthwhile causes. But we rarely speak about it. “Business as usual” is a devastating phrase. We sometimes wear appropriate T-shirts but we rarely speak. Why do we hide ourselves? Business as usual? Or we don’t think it matters much? Or “it’s not my job?” Or “it feels like bragging or a million other reasons? That’s the real silent majority. We just feel awkward and uncomfortable about being personal with people. . It’s a risk.

I suggest you take the risk. New worlds of relationship can become available. I learned this from a course I’ve taken: “Say the same old thing and have the same old life.” What could happen if you said something different, if you shared with people what you do for your community? One of the things is that you become your community. You will find yourself with an amplified voice. People will listen to you differently. They will think of you differently, You will have a stronger voice.

Years ago I started speaking about ending hunger. And that is how many people think of me. So I expanded my involvement. And people began relating to me that way. And I discovered that I mattered, I’ve become who I say I am – the possibility of love, contribution, wisdom and harmony.

I Never Noticed

2005-02-25T07:10:00.000-08:00

My father was the glue that held my connection to a hundred or more relatives together and since he passed away, my family has become smaller and smaller for me. Pictures have disappeared, replaced occasionally by emails and new names. And I never noticed. The branches of my relationship tree prune themselves. And I am diminished.

Sadly, that is normal and usual, part of the constantly shifting patterns of life. It seems we only pay attention to our relationships when they are very close and breaking or broken. The rest we take for granted and we let them drift.

But they, too, are subject to the laws of thermodynamics. They, like everything else in the universe, drift inexorably from order to disorder. Some relationships get more and more tenuous and then, like very remote points of light, they blink out. And we don’t notice that our life gets somehow dimmer.

Some relationships get increasingly more difficult. It’s always ‘their fault’ and we wish they would disappear. But the quality of our life is measured by the quality of our relationships and there doesn’t seem to be anything we can do about it.

You know that all business is relationships and so are all organizations and communities - but what can we do about them? How do we build them, how do we strengthen them? Even if we knew how, doing it never occurs as something urgent. After all, life changes; so do relationships. These, too, shall pass.

This is why I am a relationship coach. Yes, I help fix what’s broken, but I also build and nurture what we take for granted. It makes a real difference in the quality – and in the productivity of your life. I am not a wall full of self-help books. I offer sound, practical coaching to support you in getting what you want and need. I say, “There is no You, there’s only You And. I make the And great.”

If you don’t want to receive these essays, just reply and I’ll remove you from my mailing list. But this is what I offer:

Call me (609 586 2021) to set up a complimentary one-on-one session.
Call me or email me (michaellipp@1stClassCoaching.com) to register for my all day Relationship Seminar called Daybreak, Friday, April 15, from 9AM – 4PM, NJ.
Call me or email me to register for my breakthrough program on relationships, Let the Sun Shine In, 6:30 – 8:30 for 6 weeks, starting Tuesday, April 26th, with one on one coaching for 6 more weeks and a final completion evening, location tbd, in Mercer County. This is also given as a teleclass on Monday evenings, starting Monday, April 25th, at 6:30PM.
The final program in the Relationship Series is Cloud Nine, floating on your new-born relationships, to be specified in April. This will meet once a month.

My website, www.1stClassCoaching.com / has more information about my practice.

Valentines Day: The Pressures of Commitment

2005-02-09T13:07:00.000-08:00

Michael Lipp
(609) 586 - 2021
michaellipp@1stClassCoaching.com
www.1stClassCoaching.com

Valentines Day Perspective on Results

The Pleasures of Commitment II

The other day I issued part I of this essay. It was all well and good, but it left out a crucial, absolutely essential problem with commitment, namely: Who goes first? Is it possible to commit without anxiously waiting to hear, “me, too?”

This is the main issue in all business negotiations. Everyone has read the cliche that whoever speaks first loses. So no one wants to go first. It seems to leave you defenseless.

You know, most of us don’t realize that there are four answers to a yes-no question. Our thinking stops at yes and no. The same is true about commitment. We think we either do or we wait; we inch forward and let the other person inch forward and then we go first, praying that the other person will respond favorably.

But there are more answers. You can answer a yes-no question in these ways:
Yes and no, of course, but also, “I have a counter-offer” (which reverses the conversation) and the one that is like what’s available here about commitment:
“I won’t answer now, but I commit to giving you an answer by such and such date and time.”

That’s similar to what I’m suggesting here. I can’t commit now. But I want you to know that my intention is to commit. It’s where I want to end up, so I just want you to know what my intention is.

“Intention is an impulse toward something; an idea that one is going to accomplish something. It’s intentional, which means one means to do it”
“A plan of action; design, an aim that guides action.”
” The purpose or desired outcome of any behavior.

Thus, you can commit without committing. It is a major step forward. It’s a willingness to at least put your cards on the table. It allows for the conversation to include “the fear.” Please let us look at the fear we have of committing. What can we do about it? Can you help me to remove my fear, I’ll help you to remove yours.

The ultimate quote on commitment comes from Goethe, who wrote:

“Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it."

Don’t ignore the magic. Nothing else really works.

2005-02-08T07:19:00.000-08:00

The Pleasures of Commitment

Clients come to me and want to be in a relationship. At first I thought that ‘finding the one’ was the job. But that is only the first part of the job and it is very much intertwined with the second part of the job, which is committing to the relationship. This is harder. Accepting the one is harder than finding the one. Everyone has been hurt by a relationship, many have been hurt several times. The path is strewn with the past. And if you have never been hurt, you’ve seen your parents, your siblings, your friends and your other relatives. Few of us have an enviable record here. So what to do?

Well, let’s look at what is involved in commitment. We instinctively see it as a loss of freedom and that’s where a lot of the fear is based. No-commitment is based entirely on the past. Any attempt at even thinking about the future is blocked by the experience of the past; the memory of emotional pain, sometimes coupled with financial and material loss. But the state of no commitment is inherently unstable; it cannot last. Each of you holds back a vital part of yourself. That is painful. It’s hard to sustain something that is inherently painful.

Commitment makes the future available. New conversations are possible – inevitable- Hopes, dreams, aspirations…plans are called for, welcomed, … and they are shared, not hidden.

And here is a pleasure that is frequently overlooked. You can fight; you can disagree; you can reveal the unpleasantness that we all hide. You can be yourself and deal with the consequences. Commitment means ‘warts and all.’
The future is always unknown but with commitment a pair can face that future. There is always someone rooting for you.

Commitment is a state change, like water to steam. Life is different after commitment and deliciously unpredictable.

Commitment is always scary. Until you commit

Doing What You Love

2004-12-28T11:50:00.000-08:00

I had lunch with a friend today and one of the things we spoke about was figuring out how to laser aim my coaching business.

We were talking about what I do - writing and coaching - and speculated what kind of a niche I could establish. Now I love everything about what I do. I write poetry, essays, short stories, novels, non-fiction books -- I've even written songs. I coach people on anything - starting businesses, making business grow, changing careers, getting healthy, writing, community contribution, ... anything. But she asked me what I loved most and what was the most satisfying. Hard to pick that out. Most coaching is really rewarding. Then I recalled something.

I had a client who wanted to increase her income. She doubled it. She wanted to market a business. She did. She wanted to give a seminar. She did. And she wanted to love her husband again. That's a really challenging goal. They all are, of course, or they wouldn’t be goals. But to rebreathe life; to rekindle the flame, to complete the past and start even fresher. She did that, too. (I love this client. She's still in my life) But she hasmn’t been the only one. One of my clients created an extraordinary relationship with her teen age son. Another with her daughter; another with his wife. And there have been others.

My friend lit up. She said that was the niche, that people fear divorce; they dread the prospect - and they aren't necessarily satisfied with marriage counseling. Well - Been there, done that. And my 37-year marriage keeps getting better. And then I saw that that could be my way in. The actual coaching is on everything. I love being able to win in business, create contribution and well-being. But the focal point could be refreshing relationships. Let me know what you think. I want to know.

So this blog is an announcement blog. Watch this space.

I’m Bored – I Have Too Much to Do

2004-12-26T07:16:00.000-08:00

I remember my kids favorite complaint – “I’m bored. There’s nothing to do.” And I echoed my mother – “Go bang your head against the wall.” Today I think there’s too much to do. The Internet has given us non-boredom overload. We actually have to pull ourselves away from communication (instant messaging, email, efaxes – and spam), games, entertainment, information - blogs. Our bodies are becoming shaped like chairs – big, wide bottoms and necks permanently tilted,
I started thinking about this in two veins - in the context of politics and in the context of ‘being known.’ In terms of politics – actually, news in general – how can we tell what’s true? True is a funny word, given that truth is subjective. Fair reporting has to be enough. But – what’s fair? And how can we tell? I watched the Democratic Convention by alternating between Cspan, cable news networks and the networks. Whjat I watched on Cspan was not reported. I got instant opinion on the cable channels and sound bites on the networks. People did not get the convention and it was useful – even important – to have gotten it. We don’t get reality – we get ‘about-reality’ – someone else’s reality as if it were the reality.
Here’s the other thing – When you can know everything, you know nothing. We are born with the capacity for habit --- but we have to learn the capacity to discriminate. How can anything gain access to people’s eyes and ears? (Of course, I really mean – How can I win your eyes?) So I will shamelessly ask that you tell your networks to read this and to check out www.1stClassCoaching.com.And I promise to give value for your attention.